$500? For one measly air intake valve? The mechanic claims the Wombatmobile, a 1982 Plymouth Sundance, requires special parts and labor. While I would never deprive a local merchant of his or her right to make a living, I do like to point out that for my services of ridding the city of evil villains and those who would seek to do harm to our good citizens, I charge nothing. Nadda. Zero. I do live on a small trust my parents left me after their unfortunate demise when I was only eight years-old, but with the rise of property taxes and the value of antique clocks dropping drastically, there are times I have to pinch pennies. And this is one of them. I have asked Gladys to bring my Wom-moped out of the storage shed. I originally bought the Wom-moped to ride in the Slothum City Days Parade, the event that launches the week-long celebration of our fine city. Unfortunately, I was waylaid and ultimately unable to attend the parade due to a robbery instigated by the greedy Hamburgler. He actually attempted to steal hamburgers from the local McDonald’s restaurant! After I had apprehended the tiny tyrant, it was later explained to me that the robbery was a staged publicity stunt for the restaurant in conjunction with Slothum City Days and the Hamburgler was actually an actor. Well, if you ask me, someone willing to play a villain has villainous leanings in his heart, so the fact that he spent 72 hours in a holding cell I believe was the best way to scare him straight.