Picking Up the Trash

Have you ever had one of those days when everything goes just right? In crime fighting, those days are rare, I must admit. Because criminals can be super unpredictable. But then there are those days when it all works out. Today I got an urgent call from Commissioner Borden about a break-in in progress. He’d sent Police Chief Leibowitz, really out of protocol, but he wanted me to be there in case the break-in was anything more than ordinary. I got there and I could see a young white male wearing jeans and a black concert T-shirt (I can’t recall the name of the band but they apparently had toured in many U. S. cities) struggling to pick the lock on the front door. I didn’t see Police Chief Leibowitz anywhere in the vicinity, so I knew I had to act and act fast! I pulled out my Wombat-Lasso and flung it around the assailant. I have to say, I am pretty darn skilled at the Wombat-Lasso. I practiced hundreds of times on the La-Z-Boy in my rumpus room, so I was totally prepared. I restrained the assailant and tied him up, securing him to the front porch. Now some people don’t realize that part of being a superhero, is capturing and securing criminals, but then leaving them in a nice little package for the police to discover and take in for all that legal booking and so forth. Superheroes don’t do paperwork. So I left him there and called Police Chief Leibowitz for what superheroes refer to as “picking up the trash.” Cut and dry, easy apprehension. Man, I wish all days were like this.

At the Car Wash

Sometimes crime fighting is about being in the right place at the right time. Today I was at the local car wash giving the Wom-moped a good scrubbing in the self service area. While I was digging around in my Utility Pouch for more quarters so I could thoroughly scour the tires, I happened to notice a car come out of the auto wash. It stuck out to me because it was a bright yellow and I really like the color yellow (the color of my tights, which I have to order special on the internet). Well, the yellow car, a banana cream yellow not really a canary yellow, was parked with the car wash attendant who was hand drying the vehicle. When the attendant was done I witnessed him leave his towel on the trunk of the car. The driver did not notice this, and neither, apparently, did the attendant. Suddenly, the driver began to drive off with the property of the car wash! Even though the Wom-moped was still soapy, I couldn’t allow this divergence from justice, so I leapt upon it and took off after the offending motorist. Unfortunately, the Wom-moped did not accelerate as quickly as the yellow car, but I was gaining ground and right up on their bumper when the towel flew off the trunk and into my face, obstructing my view of the road and the newly changed red light, causing me to collide with the back of the yellow car. I will save you the description of what transpired immediately afterward, but suffice to say, the car wash was not appreciative of my efforts and the insurance for the Wom-moped is now considerably higher.